IT'S ALL IN THE PERSPECTIVE

I walked outside today to capture a photo I needed for my 365 project. As I wandered around...hoping to find something else unique in this wintery, spring day....I noticed the icicyles that formed under the unhappy picnic table. Enticing. Simple. Sparkling. I lowered myself to capture them from a different angle and, voila, the blue sky in the background provided a wonderful colorful reflection on an otherwise...simple natural event of an awakening spring day. When you are out trying to capture that moment to be remembered....try to find the unique angle that brings a new and wonderful perspective on something that might seem so ordinary.

Spring Showers

I woke to the sounds of our first 2011 Spring Shower this morning. Of course, I didn't know until I looked out the window. My favorite window overlooking the park. The snow has almost completely melted now except in the areas where the piles were five and six feet tall.

I realized....and spoke outloud....that I miss thunderstorms. Not the kind with the scarily close lightning strikes (although I know they kind of come hand in hand). The kind that have thunder rolls - light ones, then loud ones, short ones, long ones. Sometimes making you jump. Sometimes....making you smile.

Not even 30 minutes later, I was greeted by some 'off in the distance' thunder rolls and shortly thereafter, some nearby thunder rocking...making my Lexi lift her head from her late morning snooze....looking around, wandering what the heck is that mom.

My next home must...no ifs, ands or buts....have a covered deck area on which I can sit and enjoy my morning coffee, afternoon water, evening tea while watching the drip drip drizzle or downpour of a good rain and listening to the thunder roll...in the distance....or nearby.

Hello....Spring. You make me smile thunder roll.

What first signs of spring make you smile...and ponder...and wish?

Unconditional

She'd probably not be very happy to know I am sharing this with my blogger world. I love my mother. I love who she was back then....before I knew her. Gorgeous. Free spirited. The apple of my dads eyes at that time. When you are growing up, you don't think of your parents as...someone that might have been young at one time....atleast not until you yourself grow up enough to know that...our parents are humans also...not just parents. They, too, were young once. Oh and yes....they have wants and needs also...wants and needs for themselves and that we aren't the only thing in their life.


Today, I still love her for who she is...despite those younger teen years of mine when we didn't see 'eye to eye'. I hope that all of us children of the world respect and realize how those 'disciplinary days' of our lives were meant to point us in the proper direction in life.



She is still an awesome person ....despite her set ways of which many days I say (smiling to myself) 'I hope I'm not like that when I get older'. Really...smiling to myself...as I know I already see her in me.






She still amazes me. I still question her reasoning behind having six children. I still praise her for having raised us all...many days alone with my dad on the road, roaming the world with the airforce. I know we put her through....daily challenges. I know there were probably many days when she just wanted to...run away...and rightfully so. I love her...for having stuck by us. I love her for her very very strong unconditional love. Believe me...she has it....more than any other person I know.



Today...she still puts up with us. I take my Lexi for a walk many nights and atleast one night a week, we wander over to visit with her....for as long as Lexi will sit still and allow us to visit. Those evenings, she listens to me....as I vent...about my six to six job...that I would leave in a sec if I could afford it....in pursuit of my most needed creative passions of photography and the outdoors. I leave her house...with a little weight lifted off....often regretting and promising myself...that the next visit will be more 'pleasant'.



Mom....you are 'the wind beneath my wings'. I hope you realize how much I do love you.



I can only hope that someday, my children will love me as much...and hoping that they already do.

Shadows of Spring

I walked at lunch today. It was overcast but....the birds were every where. Every. Where.

I climbed in my car to come home and the sun was bright. And warm. 41. Woo. Hoo.

I found myself...driving as fast as the law would allow wanting to get home and go for a walk with my Lex.

I realized...that as long as winter may be...as depressed as I can get by being cooped up (particularly in a winter such as this.....cold....continuous days of 15 or below....which doesn't allow much room for a walking spirit)....well, I love the seasons.

The winters help you to appreciate spring and summer. Summer helps you to appreciate fall and the onset of winter. You don't take spring or summer for granted. You don't take winter for granted. No pulling weeds year round. No getting tired of wearing shorts....and gladly looking forward to wearing less clothing at the end of winter.

Always looking forward to the next season. Knowing that each has it's own wonders to offer up. You can look forward to each. You can be glad when each is over. Except maybe for spring and fall. But then again...maybe one would get tired of them also if they lasted 12 months at a time.

I don't know. Maybe I like the change because I grew up an airforce brat. Things changed on a regular basis throughout my life. I need the change. I need the...challenge. Of course, these are all wonderful, easy, pondering thoughts now that there is light at the end of 'this winter'.

I arrived at home, walked in to my room, and was greeted by the shadows thrown against the walls, reflected into the mirror....warming to the floors....heating the heart...refreshing and stimulating the mind.

Oh, happy spring. Dance with me.

Do You Know....

Who you are? Who you have been? Who you want to be?

I was in the kitchenette at this worky place of mine and a feeling of 'comfort' per se hit me. Not comfort from here. But a feeling of a...hey, I'm happy with who I am. Mind you....I have had this feeling very very rarely in these 50 plus years of mine. My life...I have let who I am be defined by many other people in my life...shoving who I really am in the closet.

As I had this feeling, I wondered...am I the only middle aged woman..or man....that all of a sudden had that feeling like you were waking up for the first time in your life...or for the first time of this part of your life. I think...maybe this is the issue with relationships. We go through life stages of knowing who we are, being lost as to who we are, wondering, wishing we could be someone, being someone that someone else wants us to be, and then pow....we realize....this is what we want. This is who we want to be. No....this is who we are and it is time we are happy and content with that...if even for just a while.

I think we change....like our taste buds change. It's not that we aren't happy with our partner. It's that we want to be this person now. We want to be us. And if they are happy with that....AWESOME. If not, should we continue to be this person others want us to be....or at some point in life's row of classrooms...isn't there one there in which we can be us? US. Who WE are.

I've had a 'few' relationships in my life. Two marriages. Three awesome children. A couple flings since the last marriage. I fell in 'love' with a guy...no...with his life. His home. The adventure...because...as much as I sometime long for a lazy day....I . Need. Adventure. (Blame it on being an airforce brat that moved every couple of years.) I want travel. The theatre. The outdoors. Seeing new sites. Meeting new people. City lights...from time to time. The desert. The ocean. The stars. The sun. The moon. And, yes, I miss the thunderstorms of Texas.

Maybe...all these feelings come from having had dinner with some wonderful friends last night at which we, as usual, discussed everything going on in our lives and during which at one point it was said that, 'We are awesome people.'

We are.

I agree.

So given all that...in my struggle to find an identity, my indecisiveness of selling my house and wondering where am I going after it is sold....maybe I should just buy a travel trailer...and hit the road. Maybe take up the invite from my Belgium BFF and learn a different culture. Enjoy the new. The unknown.

For now...I'll look forward to the trip to Texas to visit my children and grandchildren and the trip to Europe to visit my son and Belgium bff.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.