Day 25 - Me - Beyond Amazing?

The past few days of Beyond Layers with Kim have been focused even more so on 'us' ourselves. I often wonder...is it just a woman thing...that we always take care of everyone else first. That we lower ourselves to believe that we don't measure up to what we should be..who we should be. Constantly giving up our dreams for those we love...always regretting the decisions we make worried that we have been too selfish...wondering day after day if those we love will ever forgive us and love us as we need them to. Wondering if we should ask for forgiveness or hoping it will just all be forgotten some day. Each and every one of those decisions building on each other and making the next one even harder to make.

Yes, I've made a few of those. Yes, I still wonder about them and worry...that the ones I really care about still don't forgive me that one decision. Days go by and things happen..that make it feel that maybe it is all okay...and then I wake up on 'the wrong side of the bed' and the circle starts all over again.

I have a major decision that is at the forefront right now...and all those previous decisions are definitely making this a tough one...and at the same time...urging me to make it...telling me not to give up what my heart needs right now in an attempt to insure that someone else is okay...that yet another person in my life that means a lot to me...goes by the wayside.

I want to know....I want to feel...I want to be 'me' and not keep it tucked inside for someone else's reasonings.

I need the 'old' me back again.

(pic taken a month or so ago, added the I Am texture at overlay and brushed away from my face with a wonderful inspirational brush from KK)

BEYOND LAYERS - My Six Word Story

There are many times throughout my life that I feel I am searching for something although I'm not always sure what it is.

It is a phase of self discovery when I feel I need to step back and look at myself from behind or through a mirror. Pondering. Remembering all the previous roads I have travelled. Reminding myself. Poking. Prodding. Quietly...or loudly laughing, smiling and yes, sometimes even crying.

Simplicity is what I have always strived for even though some of the decisions and choices are way too much to keep in the realm of things. Simplicity is who I am.

Serendipity is what makes me tick. What makes me happy. Serendipity. Surprises. The unexpected...at least those awesomely wonderful ones. The rough ones...not so much.

Creativity...making each day new and different. Wonderful. Inspiring. Artful. A world with a pallet full of colors or...just black and white (not necessarily plain).

Searching. Self Discovery. Simplicity. Serendipity. Creativity.

SELF Portrait - 120310

I have decided that Saturdays will by my Saturday Self Sharing day.Whether that be a self portrait, a collection of self portraits or the best selection from those that I have done throughout the week or just something about me, my life, what makes me me, it will be what I share with you on Saturdays.

This first picture I captured at work my first day back this week after being off for a week with foot surgery. I get some wonderful morning light through my large office window and this was it reflecting off my face in the darkness of the little washroom area I have in my office. A bit blurry but I didn't have my tripod with me, hand held and overall other than the sunlight it was dark.

Again...just practicing with natural light of which I continue to realize you have to be quick to catch it just right. The sunsets quite rapidly when you don't want it to do.

Reflections are one of my favorite things. I stepped outside to entertain my BFFGR and turned around to see a reflection I thought I would play with.

I wanted something more without the camera in it but it was cold, I hadn't planned on being out long enough to do this and still not able to hobble around the best opted out of getting my tripod and this is what I have to share. A good representation of important things in my life...my camera, reflections and mother nature reflected in the background.

I really do look forward to being able to do more with this project when I can hobble around a bit more rapidly.

SELF Portrait - 120305

And some days...self portraits aren't just about 'self' but about those around us that make us who we are...make our world what it is....and help us escape from being on the side of the camera we don't necessarily like to be on. (smiling...slyly)

SELF Portrait - 120304

I really am quite limited right now at what I can do for this 'Portrait of Self' project I have decided to take on. But, again, it will be a challenge. Mainly because of my recent foot surgery that has me limited on where I can go for a few more weeks.

Meanwhile...a practice shot in my slowly growing 'small studio' utilizing some natural light from the window. Although, the mirror frame pulls the eye that way...I also find it 'frames' it in an interesting way.

You will have to excuse the lack of a beautiful model!!!...and just accept...as I must...the slowly aging of beauty instead.

SELF Portrait - 120303

I am not a model...I must remind you.

I took several shots with the initial ones utilizing my off camera flash and just couldn't seem to get it where I wanted.

I ended up just utilizing 'natural light' and was much more pleased with the results.

SIMPLE Me - March 2 2012

Thought I'd try some backlighting today. With a bit of a dreamy effect.

SIMPLY Me - March 1 2012

I can't believe it is March, 2012...already.

I don't remember Christmas..well I remember it but it snuck up on me..it seemed it did that to most this past holiday season. Then it was gone. Maybe because the weather has been so unholiday like.

I wanted to do a resolution list this year because I didn't last year...and the year slipped by, kind of unproductively. I have one....in my mind. Need to 'put it in writing' so it can be measured. Goals. Objectives. Successes. (failures) Meanwhile, in my mind, I have them. Right now...I have a bit of time to deal with them, being off with some foot surgery stuff. I downloaded a bunch of ebooks over the holidays and now I'm diving in. Head first...in a way.

Self Portrait project.

Me.

The one that loves to look at a camera from behind it.

Not in front of it.

It is a project. Portraiture project. To learn. To practice. Lighting. Technique. Poses. Post processing. (self confidence)

Not the best time to start...what with foot surgery keeping me from being able to be too mobile. It will throw another challenge in. Amidst the growth projects I am trying to do.

Thought about doing it separately from this blog so as not to scare anyone (smiling) but...guess I'm going to show...some strange wild side. Go for the gusto.

Will it be a 365 day one as the ebook...not sure yet. Only time will tell.