Unconditional

She'd probably not be very happy to know I am sharing this with my blogger world. I love my mother. I love who she was back then....before I knew her. Gorgeous. Free spirited. The apple of my dads eyes at that time. When you are growing up, you don't think of your parents as...someone that might have been young at one time....atleast not until you yourself grow up enough to know that...our parents are humans also...not just parents. They, too, were young once. Oh and yes....they have wants and needs also...wants and needs for themselves and that we aren't the only thing in their life.


Today, I still love her for who she is...despite those younger teen years of mine when we didn't see 'eye to eye'. I hope that all of us children of the world respect and realize how those 'disciplinary days' of our lives were meant to point us in the proper direction in life.



She is still an awesome person ....despite her set ways of which many days I say (smiling to myself) 'I hope I'm not like that when I get older'. Really...smiling to myself...as I know I already see her in me.






She still amazes me. I still question her reasoning behind having six children. I still praise her for having raised us all...many days alone with my dad on the road, roaming the world with the airforce. I know we put her through....daily challenges. I know there were probably many days when she just wanted to...run away...and rightfully so. I love her...for having stuck by us. I love her for her very very strong unconditional love. Believe me...she has it....more than any other person I know.



Today...she still puts up with us. I take my Lexi for a walk many nights and atleast one night a week, we wander over to visit with her....for as long as Lexi will sit still and allow us to visit. Those evenings, she listens to me....as I vent...about my six to six job...that I would leave in a sec if I could afford it....in pursuit of my most needed creative passions of photography and the outdoors. I leave her house...with a little weight lifted off....often regretting and promising myself...that the next visit will be more 'pleasant'.



Mom....you are 'the wind beneath my wings'. I hope you realize how much I do love you.



I can only hope that someday, my children will love me as much...and hoping that they already do.

Shadows of Spring

I walked at lunch today. It was overcast but....the birds were every where. Every. Where.

I climbed in my car to come home and the sun was bright. And warm. 41. Woo. Hoo.

I found myself...driving as fast as the law would allow wanting to get home and go for a walk with my Lex.

I realized...that as long as winter may be...as depressed as I can get by being cooped up (particularly in a winter such as this.....cold....continuous days of 15 or below....which doesn't allow much room for a walking spirit)....well, I love the seasons.

The winters help you to appreciate spring and summer. Summer helps you to appreciate fall and the onset of winter. You don't take spring or summer for granted. You don't take winter for granted. No pulling weeds year round. No getting tired of wearing shorts....and gladly looking forward to wearing less clothing at the end of winter.

Always looking forward to the next season. Knowing that each has it's own wonders to offer up. You can look forward to each. You can be glad when each is over. Except maybe for spring and fall. But then again...maybe one would get tired of them also if they lasted 12 months at a time.

I don't know. Maybe I like the change because I grew up an airforce brat. Things changed on a regular basis throughout my life. I need the change. I need the...challenge. Of course, these are all wonderful, easy, pondering thoughts now that there is light at the end of 'this winter'.

I arrived at home, walked in to my room, and was greeted by the shadows thrown against the walls, reflected into the mirror....warming to the floors....heating the heart...refreshing and stimulating the mind.

Oh, happy spring. Dance with me.

Do You Know....

Who you are? Who you have been? Who you want to be?

I was in the kitchenette at this worky place of mine and a feeling of 'comfort' per se hit me. Not comfort from here. But a feeling of a...hey, I'm happy with who I am. Mind you....I have had this feeling very very rarely in these 50 plus years of mine. My life...I have let who I am be defined by many other people in my life...shoving who I really am in the closet.

As I had this feeling, I wondered...am I the only middle aged woman..or man....that all of a sudden had that feeling like you were waking up for the first time in your life...or for the first time of this part of your life. I think...maybe this is the issue with relationships. We go through life stages of knowing who we are, being lost as to who we are, wondering, wishing we could be someone, being someone that someone else wants us to be, and then pow....we realize....this is what we want. This is who we want to be. No....this is who we are and it is time we are happy and content with that...if even for just a while.

I think we change....like our taste buds change. It's not that we aren't happy with our partner. It's that we want to be this person now. We want to be us. And if they are happy with that....AWESOME. If not, should we continue to be this person others want us to be....or at some point in life's row of classrooms...isn't there one there in which we can be us? US. Who WE are.

I've had a 'few' relationships in my life. Two marriages. Three awesome children. A couple flings since the last marriage. I fell in 'love' with a guy...no...with his life. His home. The adventure...because...as much as I sometime long for a lazy day....I . Need. Adventure. (Blame it on being an airforce brat that moved every couple of years.) I want travel. The theatre. The outdoors. Seeing new sites. Meeting new people. City lights...from time to time. The desert. The ocean. The stars. The sun. The moon. And, yes, I miss the thunderstorms of Texas.

Maybe...all these feelings come from having had dinner with some wonderful friends last night at which we, as usual, discussed everything going on in our lives and during which at one point it was said that, 'We are awesome people.'

We are.

I agree.

So given all that...in my struggle to find an identity, my indecisiveness of selling my house and wondering where am I going after it is sold....maybe I should just buy a travel trailer...and hit the road. Maybe take up the invite from my Belgium BFF and learn a different culture. Enjoy the new. The unknown.

For now...I'll look forward to the trip to Texas to visit my children and grandchildren and the trip to Europe to visit my son and Belgium bff.

We'll see what tomorrow brings.

Texture

Poster edges has to be one of my favorite textures right now. I love the 'mood' it sets in some of my photos.

In addition to poster edges on this old barn and fence, of course, I put the background in black and white and kept the red fence. Kind of wish I had just bit more shallow depth of field.

Can you guess what texture I used for this one? No...nothing in PS/PSE.

This texture is just the natural effect of the snow fall and a bit blurriness to the photo. Every once in a while...blurriness is a good thing.

Snow Day

For once this winter, it actually snowed on a day when I could actually enjoy it. I was alone yesterday and able to get out and about on a 'snow day' adventure. Something...at one point in time...I wouldn't even have thought twice about doing. It was 15 degrees. At the beginning of the trip...snowing ever so lightly. I headed for the beach. (Odd...you say.) Cold...slippery...yet worth every mile.

Pigeons on a line. This picture actually captures only half of them.

The falling snow gave everything a wonderful winter wonderland, snow globe effect.



I have driven by this silo many times during summer when it is covered with vines. I've always wanted to stop and get pictures but it is a country road and I always seem to either not be driving or someone is behind me. This wintery day with people staying in allowed me to capture it in a different 'mood'.

I can't wait for summer to get it 'all dressed up'....and next winter (although not in a hurry for that right now) I'll definitely do a couple more snow day adventures.

THE BEST OF STUCK

I went to KC for a sort of working weekend with my sis. Sunday she wanted to take me to see the sites. Their snow had melted. She knew she couldn't go down this one road but even at the top, the ground was so slippery, the truck wouldn't back up. In an attempt to somehow turn around, we backed up, went forward, backed up, went forward...until we realized we were going forward, thus down the hill, more than we were going back up. In the end, we had to call someone to rescue us.

It wasn't all a loss though. We were stuck on some hunting property. 98 acreas of wonderful Kansas/Missouri golden fields and woods.

Not sure if she had fun....but I sure made the best of it. Some pics here with more to come later.

Words of a Friend

She's wise. My friend.

My life has had it's ups and downs.

I've made decisions that still, today, I regret. I try not to. Think about them. I know they can't be changed.

She helps me to realize that.

She is strong. I don't know how she does it some days as she has her share of ups and downs also. Life. Roller coasters.

Her thoughts always encourage me. Her words, make me smile.

Her love and support...never ending.

I was...I am...an air force brat...all grown up. I moved every couple of a years when I was just a silly thing. It was difficult to depend on anything. Difficult to make friends. A thought of 'best friends' always in the distant. Always cautious. Never wanting to get too close to something, someone. Teen years...rougher than they should have been. Scars of life that even today, still haunt me. Even today, I don't make the best of friends. I know...I'm not always dependable as a friend. I hate that. I want to be. I do. Want to be. And yet....

She picks me up. She wipes me off with her 'friendly' words. I envy her strength. I long for her faith.

I love you, my dear friend.