I don’t get out enough.
I get up in the morning, go to work, go to the gym or do a work out
routine at home, eat dinner, entertain my pup, do whatever creative stuff I can
do in the little bit of time left, with the energy I might still have, go to
bed…and do it all over again. The
weekends? Well, it is winter here in the
Midwest and normally that doesn’t affect me getting out and about for a hike or
a photography shoot. This year it seems
to be day after day of below freezing, below zero temps and that I don’t want
to deal with.
In my struggles to find something to write about, I’ve
decided to do a so called radio series where the topic of discussion will be
prompted from the discussion they have on the radio in the morning. Sometimes those discussions hit home. Hit a nerve.
Get me to thinking. Sometimes
even making me smarter and braver.
Yesterday it really hit home. The discussion question was ‘what is the most
important characteristic of your perfect mate?’
For me, that seems like a very easy thing to answer what with the
current situation I am in right now.
My first response is that he has to be a great companion
with like interests with a love and
respect for nature and the out of doors and must like to travel. A sense of adventure ..within reason of
course. Nothing majorly death defying or
life threatening…although I guess somedays just getting in the car might be
that. But, well you know what I mean.
My current relationship of five years now has become to be
and probably was always destined to be a ‘friends with benefits’ situation
which I have grown to despise. Don’t get
me wrong. He is a nice guy. A great
handyman. Not much on the romance
side. He does not like to travel unless
it is just the three hour drive up to a place he has up north. His ‘love’ of the out doors is for
hunting. Majorly. Overdone.
Meanwhile every time he heads out to go hunting, I pray for the deer to
be safe. Unfortunately, I do love
venison and haven’t eaten ‘real red meat beef’ in who knows how long.
I eat healthy. I go for walks partially to reduce the
stress, get away, and partly for the exercise.
I eat very few sweets and have not fried food in who knows how
long. I like to eat something other than
meat and potatoes….all the time. I don’t like wearing white shirts, etc. They get dirty too fast and are too hard to
keep clean. I love jeans, tshirts,
sweatshirts…and getting dressed up from time to time. My Christmas gift this year was a white plush
pull over with camo sleeves. Really? After five years? Am I really that hard to get to know.
So , yes, I need romance. I want love and respect….but I
need companionship. A partner in adventure and discovery. This relationship has made me realize that
and I now know that if that doesn’t exist…it is a deal breaker.
So why am I still in it.
As in my two marriages, I let my
guilt get in the way and wonder if it isn’t my fault that it isn’t working. I
convince myself that I need to make it work.
I worry about all those involved that might be hurt. In the past, it was my children. I’m not married here. I don’t have children that will be affected
by this…although I can hear their thoughts of…mom failed again. Yet, I know…it is time to move on. It isn’t
fair to him.
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