Lexi's Storyboard - Day 6

Our challenge this week was for snapshots of a day in our life.

I just couldn't find it in my creativity to make something interesting out of a day in my life. Not right now. Not today. Not yesterday. Not for the past few months.

Work has just overwhelmed it with 'not so niceties' that I'm sure would just anger and frustrate my viewers as much as it does me. But then...maybe I'm looking at this challenge the wrong way. (a late night thought just created a light bulb effect)...just a bit too late though.

For now..I thought I would share some of the excitement of Lexi's story. She's an awesome buddy of mine who makes me smile no matter how bad the day and makes happy days even happier. Oh how she knows how to make me laugh. It's never ending.

She gives me love, laughter, hope and happiness. So. Very. Simply.

Framing with Layers

Absolutely awesomely easy. I can't wait to play around with these new options and possibilities.

The orchid, lit with natural light...the first orchid I've ever been able to get to rebloom, three years in a row. I'm kind of proud of it. (smiling)

Vision and Blur

Vision. And Blur.

Unfortunately...a day of exhaustion from work that has my vision focused on where I want to be...yet blurred by exhaustion to have a plan to get there.

(Day 4 project - slow to catching up)

Beyond the Layers of a Rainbow

A rainbow of colors on an almost 'colorless' day.

When green started the week...I was so excited and could hardly wait to share my favorite with everyone. Yellow followed. Hello daisies and sunflowers. So simple and sweet.

Pink. Red. Pooh...a couple colors I thought for sure I would have to venture out somewhere to capture as they are a couple of colors that I just don't surround myself with...or so I thought. Yet, I discovered they existed in my 'life' more so than I thought.

Blue...above me every day...or at my feet as the Wisconsin River passes each and everyday (if you want to call that blue) and yet...I had to think about what I would find that I could capture for my layer of blue. Found. Right above me...every day.

Throw them all together and enjoy a rainbow of colors which brightens up any face, young and old.

One Big Layer of Red

I do love surprises...almost as much as I love giving them...especially if they are good surprises. Serendipity. My. Most. Favorite. Word.

I had my camera sitting on the kitchen counter and was messing with some settings, when I accidentally hit the shutter release. My finger was on the flag for delete option in LR when I had a second thought of using this for something else. Might make a cool 'texture'. And then...it was Red day at Beyond Layers.

It is merely a close up shot of the bottom of a coffee can I have on my sink to use for my composting...with a hand towel sitting on the counter right in front of it.

Lesson of the day...the simplest things can make life just wonderful!! Another example of how a 'different perspective' can provide you a wonderful view.

Layers of Blue

I've always wanted to just focus days or weeks on a particular color. Although I can't get out and about much yet, sometimes just my backyard provides 'just the shot' that I need. The sky was beautiful blue and they flew right over instead of off in the distance this time. The sun like detail in the pic was actually lens flare...perfectly placed on a perfectly blue sky on a perfectly wonderful spring like day. Added a bit of texture...and voila.

Again and again...thank you Kim for your inspiration.

Layers Pretty in Pink

Now this is a color that I definitely have to go outside of my home to find. I don't think you can even find this color in my closet or my clothes drawers...no...no pink undies for me.

But...follow me through my gardens and you will find this color spread throughout in most any season.

Layers of Yellow...and Beyond

This color...awakens me. It makes me smile and warms my heart. I can't wait for summer to arrive so I can watch as they grow and open and bloom and fly and flutter, gathering and collecting all other buggy friends and foe. It provides me so much love and laughter and...oh my camera loves it so.

Daisies and sunflowers are my favorite flowers..and anything that resembles them...and they don't have to be in the same family. The little wild asters. Gerberas in all their different colors. The zinnias come right on in there as they gather the butterflies from all around.

Happy Yellow to all!!

BEYOND the LAYERS of GREEN

How excited I was to find that the first color of the week is GREEN. My absolutely most favorite color...given the proper shade of course.

I remember, when staying with my Grandma Gonia one day, that she asked me what my favorite color was. I was in the fifth grade then. Mind you this was after she had bought me an 'orange' dress. Yes, Orange. I am a natural redhead, although I prefer to call it strawberry blonde (minus the blonde aspect, smiling) and at that point, yes, my hair was red. I don't wear orange, but I do love it over the Halloween and Thanksgiving holidays but not on this bod.

Anyhow, I digressed. My response to her was Green. She asked why and I explained because it stood for everything nature has to offer from the green grass, to new plants arising in the spring or any other time and the wonderful, blowing in the wind leaves of trees. We lived on a property in Hales Corner at that time and it had a pond and an awesome Weeping Willow tree that I just loved more than anything because of the way it blew in the wind.

I've gone through my phases of browns and blues but I always end up back to GREEN as my favorite.

I am a nature passionate person. Always have been. Always will be.

Green. I. Love. Green.

BEYOND LAYERS - My Six Word Story

There are many times throughout my life that I feel I am searching for something although I'm not always sure what it is.

It is a phase of self discovery when I feel I need to step back and look at myself from behind or through a mirror. Pondering. Remembering all the previous roads I have travelled. Reminding myself. Poking. Prodding. Quietly...or loudly laughing, smiling and yes, sometimes even crying.

Simplicity is what I have always strived for even though some of the decisions and choices are way too much to keep in the realm of things. Simplicity is who I am.

Serendipity is what makes me tick. What makes me happy. Serendipity. Surprises. The unexpected...at least those awesomely wonderful ones. The rough ones...not so much.

Creativity...making each day new and different. Wonderful. Inspiring. Artful. A world with a pallet full of colors or...just black and white (not necessarily plain).

Searching. Self Discovery. Simplicity. Serendipity. Creativity.

BEYOND LAYERS - Simplicity Day 2

Keeping it simple...one of my favorite things...simplicity.

Awaken texture with overlay and then soft light.

Beyond Layers - Black and White

I do....remember black and white television. I remember the first show we watched that had color in it after we got our color tv. Believe it or not it was Wizard of Oz. Do you know, I don't even remember much of watching tv before that and really...I am not that old....to only remember listening to radio. For some reason that one event is my first perception of tv.

Digital photography is great. The things we can do with our vision, our perception of the world, of life itself. It is fabulous to say the least. Post processing software is great. We can add so much color to 'the day' or just completely wipe it out.

Is it the love of artists such as Ansel Adams that always brings us back to black and white, because I do love 'removing the color cast' to my photos from time to time. It tells a complete other story. It takes us to another era. It calms down a mood or even takes a picture that just didn't seem to do what we wanted it to do when we took it and converts it into a 'wow, that's cool' thing. It makes us smile. It makes us think, dream and wonder.

That is what life is about.

Black and white - an expression that will exist forever.

I just have to say - Kim, thank you for your inspiration.

My photo - This is my favorite Marsh that I have discovered close to my home. I visit it quite frequently. The sunsets are awesome. The summer flowers are stupendous. The bird life is abundant and always brings opportunities for birders to add to their life list. It is where I can go to unwind, to walk, to think and ponder and play with my photographic passion.

D90, Tamron 28 - 300 mm, aperture mode. Converted with enhance, conver to black and white with Aurora texture added with overlay at 33% and again with soft light at 60%.

I do have to share one more that I created last week in my other class with Susan Tuttle because this is a very special memory of mine that I will share forever with anyone and everyone that wants to hear the story again and again.

Taken, yes, in Paris. The couple - my son and his fiancé. This is where he proposed to her. I was given the opportunity to go over there a couple months later and they reenacted the event for me...and I took some pics. Of course. (smiling and bragging)

Six Word Friday - SPRING

Spring! Love is in the air!

The world awakens bearing new life.

Tree branch buds await dancing leaves.

Crocuses. Daffodils. Tulips. Sweet Magnolia Blossoms.

Birds! Birds bee bopping on branches.

Red Robin early morn love songs.

Longer days. Sweet smells. Loving tunes.

Spring. Warm. Romantic. Mystical. Lively. Spring.

BEYOND the LAYERS of Fear

It's true that when you are a wee young thing, the fears are all so minimal. Each day you experience life, each week, month, year...your fears change. They start out by growing in amounts, for whatever reason. When young, a lot of fears are from the unknown or should I say the unfamiliar. Each day you are subjected to that silly little fearful thing, you discover it really isn't going to pounce on you. It doesn't bite. It doesn't hurt..and if it does (those nasty shots) it is for a very short amount of time.

I guess as you grow older the fears are still a lot from the unknown. The interview. The new job. The health of an unborn babe. A new beau. Getting lost. A new pain. A new symptom. A bad doctor report. A dentist appointment. Where does the next road go? The road of life. That door closed, when will the next open?

Sometimes, they amount to nothing. Other times it seems that they keep piling up. For good reasons or not.

The photo above is a picture of the old barn like garage from the house next door which has been abandoned. Abandoned but still owned. The roof is slowly caving in. Look in the window and you will see the entire loft has already fallen. It is piled high with all types of 'stuff'. My fear is that it will fall, cave in, and totally make any interest from a buyer of my house go away. Is this where my fear begins? No.

My house is up for sale so I can free myself of some financial burden so that I can free myself of this endless, frustrating, life changing job of mine. There are fears that my house won't sell...or I'll have to pay to get out of it in this current housing market. If I can't sell it, I can leave this job. If I can't get out of this job soon....I'm such an ugly person when I'm there. I am a totally different grumbly, not friendly enough, no patience, unforgiving, totally forgettable, unorganized, sloppy ogre. I. Am. Not. Me. If it goes much longer, I don't know how long it will take to 'get me back'. I. Miss. Me.

Yet, this isn't where the fear begins.

My dad passed away at the age of 65 from a rare form of dementia. His mom died in her 70s from a form of alzheimer's/dementia. Two out of three of his brothers died by the time they were 65 of alzheimers/dementia, the other having died much younger from cancer.

You do see where I'm going here...where I'm coming from?

I will be 55 in May. Fifty. Five.

Yes, I am scared. I have a fear that I have only ten years left to live...and I pray every day that someone will prove me wrong.

So that fear ripples on down, that there is so much left in life that I want to do. So much I haven't done. So many years of my children's and grandchildren's lives yet to enjoy. So many miles between us now that I would like to resolve. So much to write. So many pictures to take. So many hugs and smiles and kisses that I want to collect, but more so...I want to give.

A bucket list more than a mile long.

Years of falls and springs and winters and summers to enjoy.

This is the biggest fear I have right now...and one that affects so much else...and some days just seems to turn the world upside down.

(About my photo - Nikon D90 with Tamron 28 - 300 at 50mm, ISO 100, Aperture mode - set a f6.3, 1/160. The light on the building is from the setting sun...no flash, no fill light. Edited in Lightroom. I have a love for the clarity slider!!! )

TrishaAnn C's Story - Layer 1

I was born in California to an air force serviceman and his wife, my mom. I was the oldest daughter, second out of six children, raised on a service man’s paycheck. I was the family babysitter and to this day am still considered to be the ‘responsible’ one of the family, not always something I am fond of for whatever reason.

I have seen many of the states, Okinawa and some of Europe. We moved every two to three years during my youthful years. I grew up without a childhood ‘best friend’. To this day, I love to travel. I don’t have a problem flying but much prefer a road trip if I can find someone to really ‘enjoy’ it with me and not want to rush from one spot to the next. I do long for connections with others that have the same passion as I…so hello best friends. I can’t wait to discover each and every one of you.

Nature and birdwatching have been passions of mine from early on with youthful memories of Lady’s Slippers and Barbie Doll dishes made from acorn caps, colorful piles of fall leaves, pussywillows and milkweed covered with Monarchs, monkeys in Okinawa and the plethora of birds that gathered in my grandpa’s back yard. Green has been my favorite color my entire life because it represents Mother Nature and everything beautiful she provides for us. Daisies and Sunflowers are my favorite flowers and although I love to grow a good antique rose, I much prefer a bouquet of simplicity found in daisies and sunflowers. A couple of my favorite movies – ‘Serendipity’ and Under the Tuscan Sun. Call me a romantic. I love lady bugs, owls and everything simple.

I love to garden, hike, fish and read a good book. I love the sound and smell of fall leaves, the cleanliness of the world after a good rain, the awesomeness of the warm, snow blanket Father Winter provides us with to cover the drabbiness that fall leaves behind. I prefer the rain if I can enjoy it outside under a covered deck or inside watching out a wonderful window watching the world go round. A morning walk on the beach revitalizes my spirits. A drive, just anywhere, with Barbra Streisand's 'Higher Ground' cd playing or a walk through the woods makes all the anger and frustration disappear.

I used to dream of being able to fly when I was younger. Not in an airplane but solo…just me…no wings. I stopped having those dreams after the years that I learned how to fly glider planes. I rehabilitated wildlife during four years of ‘staying at home’ while I lived in Texas. I. Collect. Notebooks. Notebooks in which I start to journal and then put it down. I’ll remove pages and start again. I buy notebooks thinking I will start again and ignoring the fact I have an entire bin of notebooks waiting to hear my words hidden in the upstairs closet. Writing is a life long dream of mine. To write a book. To travel. To see, watch, hear, touch, feel, smell, observe, share, inspire. To photograph. A book..of my own filled with words and photos to allow the world to dream upon.

I’ve been married twice and have three awesome children and two gorgeous granddaughters. All my children live in Texas…and so do my exes. (smiling) I relocated to Wisconsin in 2004, for whatever reason and truly enjoy the four seasons but it no where near comes close to the loneliness I feel from being so far away from my children.

I played with photography when my children were growing up. It was a passion that was squashed at the time by time management needed to raise children and work a full time job as well as the cost of film. Photography at that point was just documenting my children’s life in an everyday manner. I bought my first point and shoot ten years ago and shortly after that I purchased a Nikon D40 at the recommendation by my daughter. Since then I have purchased a D90 and D7000 and enjoy both of them tremendously and use them both regularly. I drool over and dream about D700's, SB900, 16mm Fisheye lenses, Nikon 70 - 200mm and discovering Lensebabys. I do have the 50mm prime, 90mm macro, a Tamron 28 - 300 which is the lens that stays on my D90 most of the time, the lens that came with the D90 and D7000, plus a wide angle and a 200 to 500mm that I'm anxious to use more during my travels this year.

My heart is with wildlife and nature, children and teens although the portraits I just kind of play around with basically because my 5 to 5 full time job keeps me from expanding any further. I love the connection I find when viewing blogs, particularly Shutter Sisters and want to participate and connect….again thwarted by the job when after a day at the office, my creativity is slim to none.

My dream job….a writer and photographer for National Geographic. Go figure. Who doesn’t have that dream?!!

My word for 2012 is expand. I have PSE10 and Lightroom 3 and have so much to learn on them. My passion for creativeness feels as if it is behind bars just screaming to get out. I discovered this class just a few days ago and it’s a wonderful thing….the feeling of hope and excitement. Expansion…here I come.

In addition to this class, I have signed up for a LR3 class with Texas Chics, a ToyCamera class with Susan Tuttle and signed up on the Kelby Training web to check out some of their videos/classes. In addition, my 'act of bravery' this year is involved in somewhat of a self portrait project from an ebook I am reading. Call me crazy…but mostly call me adventurous and excited.

Highlight of this year’s plans – my first trip to Yellowstone National Park.

I am just now joining this group and have 17 lessons to catch up on...okay...now 16. I took lunch today to read through them all to help me plan my plan of action and I must say, more than overwhelmed I am extremely excited about the things I will learn and the people I will connect with!!

…to be continued

The Past

Do you remember when digital photography came alive? It has only been about 10 years. Things have changed so much just as everything else in modern technology has. The new DSLR's provide so much functionality, so many new avenues to take your creativeness along with the ever growing library of software programs that are being developed and changing almost as rapidly or more than the cameras themselves. The world is inundated with photographers of all kinds, all levels providing our eyes with books and books, pages and pages, digital files after digitals files to feast on, to trigger our imagination, our dream world..even our taste buds. We drool...not over the picture perfect apple pie but over the new equipment that is available, the new software, or even better the expression and emotion that we hope some day we can also present in our creative photography attempts.

Yet....I love the way we keep going back...to black and white...to the look of Polaroids. In my attempt to expand my horizons this year with my photography, I've been playing with some really awesome 'teachers' and have learned how to recreate a 'picture of the present' into a 'picture of the past'.

SELF Portrait - 120310

I have decided that Saturdays will by my Saturday Self Sharing day.Whether that be a self portrait, a collection of self portraits or the best selection from those that I have done throughout the week or just something about me, my life, what makes me me, it will be what I share with you on Saturdays.

This first picture I captured at work my first day back this week after being off for a week with foot surgery. I get some wonderful morning light through my large office window and this was it reflecting off my face in the darkness of the little washroom area I have in my office. A bit blurry but I didn't have my tripod with me, hand held and overall other than the sunlight it was dark.

Again...just practicing with natural light of which I continue to realize you have to be quick to catch it just right. The sunsets quite rapidly when you don't want it to do.

Reflections are one of my favorite things. I stepped outside to entertain my BFFGR and turned around to see a reflection I thought I would play with.

I wanted something more without the camera in it but it was cold, I hadn't planned on being out long enough to do this and still not able to hobble around the best opted out of getting my tripod and this is what I have to share. A good representation of important things in my life...my camera, reflections and mother nature reflected in the background.

I really do look forward to being able to do more with this project when I can hobble around a bit more rapidly.

Six Word Fridays - WISH

Wish Wish Wish. How I wish.

Six days. Two Granddaughters. Awesome Daughter.

Speedy profitable sale of my home

For me. Myself. I. To return.

For Mondays I love, not hate.

Road trips. Photo Ops. Wonderful Writings

Energy. Laughter. Love. Life Long Friends

(What a wonderful word for the first day on which I found this challenge!!)

Turmoil

I’m lost…more so today than yesterday. Yesterday more so than the day before.

Frustrated from a fruitless, thankless, job for a company that has poor work ethics, lack of desire for taking care of the hard working associates that work for them. Managed by ‘book smart’ and not reality street smart. Micromanaged to the very last detail of the period at the end of a sentence. Day in and day out.

I was hired by this European owned company almost 8 years ago. Hired as the first US associate to help them get the business office put together and up and running, The only other associate was a ‘said to be’ sales person that used to work for the competition. I wore many hats...basically all hats except sales..yet even part of sales from the inside. I did it all, mingled together….customer service, logistics, purchasing, office manager, accounting, market research…production to include managing contractors when installation was going on. Day in and day out reporting to multi bosses all located abroad, all with their individual priority requests…none grasping the knowledge of all other responsibilities that I also had to take care of. Slowly the business grew and didn’t grow and grew again allowing a very slow addition of a few people to slowly take some hats off my head yet leaving behind the current three very full time positions that I continue to try to Superwoman through on a daily basis.

I lost my dad and my stepdad and my younger sister all within a couple years of each other. My dad passed away at the age of 65 as has all of his brothers from dementia, daddy’s having been a very rare form with no medical relief available, no cure, not much knowledge and no way of testing for it except by brain biopsy after death. I will be, this year, 55. Fifty. Five. This truly has me struggling, scared of death that might come within in ten years with so much undone in my life. Me exhausted. Me lost and transformed into some grumpy, lack of laughter, creativity squashed person because of too many work responsibilities. Too many work hours. Too many days of self esteem squashing by over powering, manipulative managers threatened by a woman’s knowledge.

I long to have my passion and desire back again. I long for days on end of photography and writing. I long for the me that smiles and greets people as if it is the best day of life ever. I long for the me to return who loves to help and assist and puts other people first.

I leave work many days in tears. Too many mornings lately have been started filled with tears just driving in to the office because of the known layers and layers of frustrations that will be confronted within those ever enclosing four walls. I travel back home at the end of ten and twelve hour work days with no energy, no incentive, no sight of light, rest and relaxation.

I t wipes me of all the creativity. It tears away my passion for photography and writing…too exhausted to write something entertaining, something to make you smile. During the winter…this is really tough on me because then I am also couped up inside for too long, too many days in a row, too many darkened rides to work and back. During the summer, after my body has regained a bit of energy and positive thinking during the drive home, I’m able to gather enough energy to walk or run with my Golden Retriever BFF. Although it might take every little bit of energy left to get up the enthusiasm…or not…to go for a walk, to find a close by trail that will bring me joy…my GR gets me out there.

This is what saves me day in and day out. A walk in the woods with my GR. A drive to my most favorite marsh of all within close vicinity of home. Visiting places where I will be greeted by what I am sure was a very close part of me during some previous life time…the out doors, the smells of spring and fall, heat of summer with the sun warm on my cheeks, the beauty of a new blanket of snow on the ground blanketing over the duldrum brown carpet that fall left behind.

This, I believe, is where I find my Support, my life saving grace. This is where I experience the ultimate soul cleansing, brain massaging, thought organizing experience that there could ever be. The sunlight through the trees. The birds surrounding me with their chorus of opera, rock and roll, country western voices and versus. The wind rustling through the trees. The pound pound pound of some headache searching woodpecker. The cautious head lift of grazing deer. The stunts of the diving ducks and marsh living muskrats. The sound of the distant hoot from barred owls. The Robin. The robin that greets spring every year...never fail.

I drag myself out there because I have been exhausted by frustration and then I have to drag myself back because I am awed by my every sense gathering up the awesomeness that Mother nature has provided for me. And normally…I leave the woods and the marsh…kicking and screaming and smiling and breathing…easily and wonderfully. It is at this time that I tell myself that although I might have only ten years to get through my ever growing bucket list, I’ve had 55 to enjoy every drop of beauty that I have experienced on every bumpy road that life has presented me with.

Face to Face

I have a lot of struggles going on right now.

My job…well…it kind of sucks. Sorry. I have been doing multiple full time jobs for this company for 7 plus years now and it really has, really is tearing me apart. I blew apart a couple weeks ago when again I was stressed because I needed to be out of the office for medical reasons and thus had to scramble and work all kinds of over time just in order to leave and know that everything would fall apart while I was gone and I would be back to working overtime when I return. This is the same thing that happens when I want even just a couple days off …which makes vacation days really sucky too because they are just spent trying to recollect myself. So this time when I returned, I was also told…30 minutes after returning…that the customer service associate was leaving the company…that day…no notice…nothing…nada….zip…zilch…..ZAPPO!!! And guess who is the only other person in the company that knows how to do that job?

My house is up for sale…so I can quit my job. The house that I totally renovated four years ago. The house that I still have a home improvement loan on that I am trying to pay off…over and above the monthly payment. The house in which I have, myself, grown in….my character….my inner self. I have awesome neighbors that have helped me through so many things the past five years. My dog….Lexi…has grown up here. I have the Milwaukee River at my back door. I can walk out my back yard and be in a park, on a trail on which I have walked thousands of miles and photographed many sites over the past five years. Unfortunately I bought at a time when I was receiving the ‘first’ empty promises of relief and financial growth within the company…and have not had a raise since then….five years. Unfortunately, I bought when the housing market was awesome and now…I pray everyday I’ll atleast break even…but not gaining back what I put into it.

I feel I have been alienated by my little sister for some off the wall, totally outrageous and ridiculous reason which has just reconfirmed another one of those moral things I’ve had that I should have known better than going against and that is…do not do business with family members. Unfortunately, I’ve learned that twice in the past year. I lost my other sister nine years ago. I long for her to be here so much because I could talk to her. She…understood.

I’m getting ready to turn 55….a year that scares me because of family health history of …passing away at 65.

I love Wisconsin. I love the fall. I love the snow…for a while. I love the average summers. I love the people I have met here. The passions I have discovered here. It’s awesome to be able to walk to m mom’s….not so awesome that I don’t feel I have the energy to do as much as I should…as much as I used to do it. I love being close to my little brother but hate the distance this closeness has presented us with for…again…crazy reasons.

My children are in Texas. My grandchildren are in Texas. I miss being closer to them and I long to get there….closer and so Missouri is on my mind. I would be half way closer to them and only half way away from here. A days ride. A long weekend workable visit. It’s cheaper to live there. It’s…more laid back and although that is all scary…wondering if I will find a job that will pay enough to survive on…I’m burned out. I don’t want another high responsibility job. I want to be able to grow my passion of photography and writing. I want to leave something behind when I…’go’. I have so many thngs I want to see before then. What if….what if…I only have ten years or less to do that?

I love the man I have a ‘relationship’ with but I struggle to understand exactly what that relationship is. I’m not sure …well I’m not sure what I’m not sure of. I guess I just wonder if we are too different. I wonder if he can ever cut the umbilical chord between himself and his kids…who are grown and should be self sufficient. Days…I feel like I am competing with them. Days…I feel like I don’t belong. How…could I ever ask him to move with me? I’ve been wanting to have this talk for months now.

I’m terrible at the ‘talking face to face thing’. I’ve thought about writing it up but I know it needs to be face to face so I can really see what he is thinking, how he feels. Instead I keep it inside. This is what I do. It festers. It builds. It growls and grumbles until a volcano has grown with a tornado inside of it. Instead of talking, I suffer and when he leaves my side, when he goes off on his way to elsewhere after having spent the time that is supposed to be ours talking with them…bringing out that absolutely awful green monster (totally embarrassed to admit it), I break down. I cry. I hate myself. I hate who I have become. I hate being weak. I. Just. Break. Down.

In the end I know that I can’t ‘give up me’ for one more relationship. Maybe…I am meant to be on my own. I know that I need to be okay with that. I know and yet I hope that is not the way it will be.

Horizon Expansion in Progress

Expansion. It just came to me...what my 'word for 2012' should be. Expansion. Expansion of my knowledge of the wonderful sites the US has to offer (Yellowstone here I come). Expansion of my photography skills in general. Expansion of my client base. Expansion of my 'books read pile' vs expansion of those to be read. Expansion of my knowledge for my photography software. I've said it before and I'll say it again...I'm not real big on sitting in front of the computer doing a bunch of needless editing to photos that I try so hard to get right 'through my lens' but...realistically I know that I need to keep up with the competition if I insist on expanding my portrait photography base and so...expansion it is....

Above...the Diana effect. Not sure it is quite what it should be but...I'm happy with it.

SELF Portrait - 120305

And some days...self portraits aren't just about 'self' but about those around us that make us who we are...make our world what it is....and help us escape from being on the side of the camera we don't necessarily like to be on. (smiling...slyly)

SELF Portrait - 120304

I really am quite limited right now at what I can do for this 'Portrait of Self' project I have decided to take on. But, again, it will be a challenge. Mainly because of my recent foot surgery that has me limited on where I can go for a few more weeks.

Meanwhile...a practice shot in my slowly growing 'small studio' utilizing some natural light from the window. Although, the mirror frame pulls the eye that way...I also find it 'frames' it in an interesting way.

You will have to excuse the lack of a beautiful model!!!...and just accept...as I must...the slowly aging of beauty instead.

SELF Portrait - 120303

I am not a model...I must remind you.

I took several shots with the initial ones utilizing my off camera flash and just couldn't seem to get it where I wanted.

I ended up just utilizing 'natural light' and was much more pleased with the results.

SIMPLE Me - March 2 2012

Thought I'd try some backlighting today. With a bit of a dreamy effect.

SIMPLY Me - March 1 2012

I can't believe it is March, 2012...already.

I don't remember Christmas..well I remember it but it snuck up on me..it seemed it did that to most this past holiday season. Then it was gone. Maybe because the weather has been so unholiday like.

I wanted to do a resolution list this year because I didn't last year...and the year slipped by, kind of unproductively. I have one....in my mind. Need to 'put it in writing' so it can be measured. Goals. Objectives. Successes. (failures) Meanwhile, in my mind, I have them. Right now...I have a bit of time to deal with them, being off with some foot surgery stuff. I downloaded a bunch of ebooks over the holidays and now I'm diving in. Head first...in a way.

Self Portrait project.

Me.

The one that loves to look at a camera from behind it.

Not in front of it.

It is a project. Portraiture project. To learn. To practice. Lighting. Technique. Poses. Post processing. (self confidence)

Not the best time to start...what with foot surgery keeping me from being able to be too mobile. It will throw another challenge in. Amidst the growth projects I am trying to do.

Thought about doing it separately from this blog so as not to scare anyone (smiling) but...guess I'm going to show...some strange wild side. Go for the gusto.

Will it be a 365 day one as the ebook...not sure yet. Only time will tell.